by on April 2, 2018 in Heart music

Well friends, HERE AND NOW is the brand new single that I’ve just released. And I want to share a little of the heart behind it.

‘Here and Now’ very much tells a story that reflects my own.  A story of someone living broken, lost, and somewhat dysfunctional. Tears and innocence bleeding out, regret and anger as deep as an ocean. That was me.

God came to me in the middle of my mess, in the middle of my dysfunction, when I was 23 years old. I had met Jesus four days earlier at a church meeting, but meeting Jesus doesn’t mean your whole life is going to change in an instant. I was still involved in so many things, and had so many people in my world who were destructive.

What I did have now, though, was HOPE.

I remember walking into a linen cupboard at a club and standing there wearing not much at all, (I’m sure one day I will explain this scenario in more detail) and saying, “God I need you to help me change my life and get me out of here”. What happened next is hard to describe: I felt the tangible presence of God rain down on me. To cut a long story short, within two weeks I had a new job and was moving into a new apartment with a new flat mate.  Little did I know, this was just the beginning of the whirlwind. My life was about to be thrown upside down with the most beautiful storm I’d ever seen. Just two months later, I was going to turn down the biggest music opportunity of my life and go to Bible college instead.  Don’t worry, meeting God doesn’t mean you have to turn down opportunities, in hindsight I can see why God asked me to do this in this season, but again, I’ll have to explain more of that later.

Things changed radically. It wasn’t easy, money was really tight, I was ridiculed, and my decisions were criticised far and wide. But I knew I had heard Gods voice, I knew I was following HIS leading. What I embarked on over the next few years was life changing.  I experienced something I didn’t even know I needed: healing.  You know how, if you’ve been walking with a limp for a long time, sometimes you just get so used to it you don’t notice it anymore?  You accommodate your dysfunction. That’s where I was at.  But I experienced the healing, restoring power of God that I honestly thought was impossible.  I thought I’d gone too far, that I was too much of a mess, that I’d made too many mistakes.  But God didn’t care how messy I was, he didn’t judge, he didn’t think I was damaged goods. He loved me, and he loved me too much to leave me the way I was.

He was going to redeem me, heal me, teach me and CHANGE ME.  Yes—change me! and that is NOT a dirty word. I was a broken, abused, angry young girl destined for a life of drug addiction and suicide. After God stepped in, I became whole, free, with nothing broken, and nothing missing.  I know you might be reading this and thinking to yourself, “If God is so real, why do so many bad things happen in the world”.  That I don’t know the answer to my friend, but I do know what It feels like to have bad things happen to you when you thought God was meant to be protecting you.  I am a pastors kid!  Yet my mum died when I was four, my older sister had already passed away, and my younger sister is severely brain damaged.  I was abused as a young girl and I’ve also done a lot of things in my life I’m not proud of.  A LOT. I know the saying goes – “Live with no regrets”, you know what? I have regrets, many of them, but at the same time I don’t live in regret, I live in freedom.  Yes I would go back and make some different decisions, but I also don’t let the past affect my present or my future.  I am free.  If you are in that boat, let me tell you, if you go to God with a truly repentant heart, His word says “He remembers your sin no more”.  “Your wrong decisions, your mistakes, are as far as the east is from the west”.  God doesn’t remember your wrongs so stop trying to remind him.  It is for FREEDOM that Christ has set us free….ok now I’m preaching, but I think you get what I’m saying.

13 years later, I have continued to grow and I am committed to always keep growing. What’s the point of this small snippet of my story? The point is, that God is accessible to everyone.  Here’s the thing though: we have free will. He won’t push anything on us or force us in anyway. The ball is in our court. But if you want Him, He is right HERE AND He is right NOW, He can come right in the middle of your mess and dysfunction.  Just call on him, ask him to interfere.  He is the best interference you will ever experience.

I really hope you like the song! As always, I hope it gets stuck in your head, and as you sing those words, that you’d be reminded that God is “right here and right now”. My prayer is that your eyes would shift from the problem to the problem solver, and perhaps like me you would pray that simple prayer – “God please help me, you have full access”.

‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’ Jeremiah 33:3  (NIV)